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Layout: Name: Transmission Interupted Person: Arimura Ryuutarou From: Plastic Tree Video: Tremelo dled from Monophobia Brushes: V-Brush
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:: Begin Transmission: gah! the torn-ness @_@ :: Status: connected. I did a lot of walking this weekend. I think I'm actually going to get some sort of endurance from all this climbing. Gotta love having all the apartment complexes on the top of tall hills and then on completely seperate hills all together. Oh well. I went to the mall again. Really, this town has nothing better to do. The people here usually just drink their boredom away but that's usually not something I'd rather do. But ya, I went to the mall at Liz's request to get End of Eva which was just released on friday. She was rather genki about getting all of Evangelion on DVD. I got batteries, red eyeliner, and an umbrella. wow. eventful. =p I need a job. I feel so apathetic and also guilty for using up my college money on fun things. @ @ If only I had my social security card with me...then it'd be job city for me >_< The dorm cafe NEEDS the help but can't hire me without it. *sigh* mou ii. I feel so torn between feeling great for myself, and feeling bad for my friends. A few of them are really going through some tough times, and there's not much I can do to help besides lying or ditching town and going back home. Personally I'm doing really fantastic, and then meanwhile the world is crumbling around my friends. >_< I shouldn't feel guilty, but I should still wish there was something I could do. I just want to help. Be able to wave a magic wand and poof! Psycho family's gone, The schedules are no longer stressful, She doesn't feel so worthless, Everyone's happy. =/ too bad the last time I checked I don't posess a magic wand of any sort. *sigh* but damn it that doesn't help me not want to just rush home and give each of them a big hug and a roll of cookie dough. >_< Spoiler Alerts cause even if you know the ending the rest of the series is DEFINETLY rewatchable. I got to see the last two episodes of utena for the second time. I saw them before I even really got into the series and understood it at all. Then after seeing/aquiring the majority of the series, I lacked those last two episodes. Isn't that great? The most important two episodes of the series I lacked. @ @ go me. Anyways. *___* It was amazing...That series just amazes me. It had a slightly different statement than the movie did. But the TV series is still just increadably amazing. It has such social comentary and then at the exact same time, it's just a story about a really messed up chica (I'm not talking about Utena). Somehow I got the feeling though, it was about a group of people that just keep getting reincarnated together and the lives keep going about the exact same way. Each duel is actually a death and rebirth. People changed slightly but not really all that much. The revolution however was breaking out of that cycle. Dramatic change. Utena broke free of it of course, Anthy as well when she walked out on Akio. (That's SUCH a good scene.) Also the scene with Anthy and Utena on the tower gushing to eachother about their pains and fears and goal in their PJ's was realy beautiful too. "Nigerunoka?" There's so much more I could rant on about these. It was just so good. So much I could talk about. Akio always refering to Utena as being childish, and Utena has already refered to herself as a fool...But only children and fools tell the truth. ^___^ *squeals* there's just way too much good stuff.
Oh I made a new wallpaper. I think I might play with it a little bit more because nigaki made alot of good suggestions. But either way it's a Tsuzuki one. It's not my best, but it's not bad. 1024x768 as usual....maybe I should start making 800x600 copies as well just to be nice to all the people with those settings.
:: Begin Transmission: class interruption :: I'm so excited about this project. The song even more than that. ^__^ I'm going to SING!!! YES!!! I love singing. If I had my way I'd make it into a living. Too bad my chances at being pro are slim to none and in the american market I'd still be making what I would if I was at mcd's. Still singing is such a fun activity if done right. I can't stand choirs >_o no emotional manipulation there. I need some emotional catharsis too >_< I should have sang my heart out today when I had the apartment all to myself. Maybe I'll take a walk tonight and sing then. I need some catharsis. Oh, I wasn't able to get that dorm food job quite yet cause I still need some of the paperwork (if you're reading this mom I need my social security card and a deposit slip. deposit slip optional) I'd really like a job, both to keep me active and also to give me access to get fun stuff and not feel bad for draining from my college funds.
well back to work =p 3 hour long classes really start to get on the nerves...not to mention my mouse hand @_@ I hate the Mac mouse. It's shaped in a way that gives my hand cramps. Ick. Oh well. Back to work back to work =D
:: Begin Transmission: a few words before class :: I'm applying to port sky today. According to liz they need the help despretely and I wouldn't mind a pay check or two. Serving dorm food for me! wee!
Sites like this make me wish I could read kanji ;_; >_< benkyou benkyou!! Renshuu Renshuu! XD
:: Begin Transmission: productivity :: All in all a productive day...not in any other measurements but my own. Brian and I worked on music which was alot of fun I really really enjoyed that. it's sounding sort of utada hikaru-ish almost o_O;; Can't say I picked a bad sound to emulate ^_^ Hung out with liz for a little. She copied nearly my entire collection of anime cd's in half a day o___O holy cow.... It was nice to hang out with brian though. him and I haven't really hung out much...well we actually HAVE but it's more that I'm always the fifth wheel with him and tomo. I'm glad they're getting together and all I want to see the people I care about happy, but *shrugs* being invisable isn't always enjoyable.
(Section for anyone who wants can select it for some not so usual ranting)
I like to think I'm different from the masses. I'm special, almost better. If I lose that...who am I?
Sometimes I wonder if I should stop it with the mask of strength and wisdom, but as soon as I do people worry about me and are already more burdened than they already are...and I'd also be a weakling. Someone who can't even handle her own problems. I'm no longer any better than anyone else...I'm just part of the masses. I think I'm starting to see why I liked Kiryuu Nanami
I think that's what I fear. Weakness when already I'm so weak. Invisability when I just want to be heard. .........
*grins* but even then they always come back.
:: Begin Transmission: another song ::
The plains cannot fly But I'm still alone
Faint light the clouds part
But I'm still alone
I'm blind once again I'm still alone
I don't know if I should add more to that I probably could. ^_^ *shrugs* depends on what the future holds
:: Begin Transmission: The Sky :: Anyways. For the time I've been sitting in my cave I've been dling lots and lots of Malice Mizer music videos. So far my favorite videos (not songs, but videos) are Garnet, Beast of Blood, and Gekka no Yasoukyouku. Also I managed to get some live versions of things, some better than others, some cut off before the end, some are just great.
I have new respect for Gackt. I knew he could play a whole slew of instruments, had a good voice, and manages to put up with thousands of psycho fangirls. But after seeing the live version of Le Ciel (one of my favorite songs) I gained a whole new respect for him....He just sang with such emotion and drama. I want to be able to do that. Sing with my heart and soul and feeling. Even in the pictures he looks ragey O_O. Well I don't think the black wings and all the blood dripping from his mouth and hands help much XD
Gackt is no longer a pretty face to me =D he's got SOUL!
:: Begin Transmission: more lyrics :: But they were still so beautiful that I wanted to post them. "Mazohyst of Decadence"
Child that will be born adults with no sense of guilt fallen
I want to love I want to be born inside this mother's body, staring
I, incomplete, my body pierced through with hooked pain
it's better that I, unloveable, died as I am
::Conversation Part::
::Singing Part::
Thanks to Crysania.com for the lyric translations
:: Begin Transmission: a spoonfull of drama makes the medicine go down :: Sorry. I'm having an angst fest. Pardon me while I rant a little, it's nice to get out emotions on this thing. (It just annoys me when people take it the wrong way _Mom_ >_> Sorry I know you care but just because I like to put up depressing song lyrics doesn't say anything about my current state. I ALWAYS like depressing lyrics! It's in my nature! Oh well. anyways. rant time) Well I've been in a terrible mood because of the sun. It continually reminds me of how different I am from normal people...and not the good kind of different. The bad kind of different like the 'freak' sort of different. Brian and Tomo have been great friends...they brought me salad yesterday and then tomo got me pancakes. ;_; they're so nice. people visit me in my little cave. One fun thing though was with my terrible mood yesterday I decided to go out in my gown and walk around after dark. It was great *_* I'm such a creature of the night it's not even funny. I love it love it love it!! I fiddled around on the campus piano with my song...and so far it's terrible XD but at least it's a start. But it was just nice to get out of my cave and walk around. Apathy kills me so much @_@. Well I'm thankful I'm not Hisoka at least, just because I lived in the basement doesn't mean I was locked there. >_< ouch...poor kid...he needs a hug.
;_; either way. I'm angsty, no fun. But here comes my eternal cheer: LIFE WILL GO ON!!!! =D
:: Begin Transmission: you can't feel lonely when you're alone ::
Also the sun sucks T_T sun=pain. pain=angry me. therefore sun=angry me. blah. Time to wallow in my cave again.
:: Begin Transmission: ::
nanimo shiranai boku wa itsuka nemuri-tsuzukeru kara
ne~ boku wa yoru no hajikko ni ite
nanimo shiranai boku wa itsuka nemuri-tsuzukeru kara
ne~ yoru no ryuushi-jou no yami ga
kanashimi ni sae te o nobashite kimi o sagasu keredo
akai tsuki o zutto nagameta
nanimo shiranai boku wa itsuka nemuri-tsuzukeru kara
Because I, who know nothing, will one day sleep forever,
You know, I am at the edge of the night, so
Because I, who know nothing, will one day sleep forever,
You know, the grainy darkness is
Even in this sadness I reach out my hand and search for you, however
"For a long time, I gazed at the red moon.
Because I, who know nothing, will one day sleep forever,
Because when exposed to time, sadness will all flow away
Endlessly towards your side, I am sinking "Bye-bye."
Thanks to Monophobia for the lyrics and translation
:: Begin Transmission: adventures of a bored college student :: friday sarah picked tomo, brian, and I up and traveled to main campus and we stayed overnight at her killer apartment. We walked around campus which was good fun since I actually saw people that were either goth or gothish or just different period. Going to an area with a non-homogenious population was incredably relaxing to me. I think I was so relaxed that the others thought I was bored or angsty or something like that cause I didn't talk much. Well there was an angst or two. Mostly tomo being a complete idiot. *smacks head* damn it! I love her alot but she's such an idiot!! *rolls eyes* I hope things eventually work out. I really do. Oh well. Continuing on we watched "The Big Lebowski"...O_O I like it. Wow....a movie I really like. Dark humor, situational and everyonce in a while a touch of verbal comedy, weird-ass and sometimes over the top characters (can we say the narrator?), interesting film techniques, and just weirder than the average movie but not so weird that it leaves people feeling that it bends rules of gravity or something like that....well then again in the dream sequences they bend gravity ^_^ I really recomend it. We checked out the asian market and I bought some more miso, seesame seed oil (cause I think I left it at home @_@), frozen veggie dumplings, cute chopsticks (I bought ones with cute little owls on it XD kawaaiiii!), and one box of green tea pocky. =d mmm....green tea flavored stuff.....
Well that's the excitement for the weekend. It rained too and that's really nice. Maybe I'll do some cleaning and then head down to the campus and use the piano to write my song. oh wait. it's sunday >_< demmit! there's probably some service or another....well maybe not. I'll try. ^_^
:: Begin Transmission: quiz time no rants for today ::  Which Sesame Street Muppet Are You?  You are most like Samejima Mamimi! Chainsmoking photography and video game freak who spends all of your time under the bridge. You're supposedly in high school, as your uniform suggests, but it doesn't seem like you ever attend. Your boyfriend, Tasuku, is in America playing baseball, so you molest his little brother Naota instead. You live in your own world too much of the time. Stop setting buildings on fire.  What colour of Skittle are you? :: Transmission Interuptted at: Thursday, September 12, 2002 : 11:49 p.m. :: Reconnection in process... .....................Failed.
:: Begin Transmission: ^_^ :: ya, I feel sorry for one of my friends who lives in the DC area. and sure there are people who have had to suffer from taking the extra work left off. but is it just me or when is it no longer feeling sorry, and start getting defensive and also just feeding more propaganda. And also it sort of has the same taste as collumbine. Sure, it was terrible, but the REAL horror was it messed with people comfort zones. They thought they were safe from the evil of the world and discovered they aren't safe in their suburbian bubble. This is the point where you contact me over AIM and yell at me for being so insensitive, unpatriotic, and a terrorist supporter. Be aware I might laugh at you, listen to you, or just ignore you. And I think it really has to sum up with one conversation with my rather overdramatic and tactless but still lovable younger sister.
"You don't like bush??"
o_o please. don't be like my little sister. I love her to death but that doesn't mean I like her.
:: Begin Transmission: another not happy post u_u ::
*feels just like a fussy preschooler right now* >_<
:: Begin Transmission: different rant but similar ::
Sorry. I'm currently angry at humanity. Nearly everyone is an asshole. But I can't hate people. I can't. Because I'm selfish, blind, and ignorant too. But still. DAMMIT! WHY WON'T PEOPLE SEE!!
:: Begin Transmission: rant time :: Ranting from my previous post. I probably wouldn't have had this touch such a chord with me if I hadn't seen all this in real life. People really DO treat others like this. And not just the majority, anyone who doesn't want to be tainted with a stigma does this. everyone from grandparents to goths. Someone stands up for homosexuals and they are often labeled as gay themselves. a sweet old lady piano teacher who warned me that japanese seem nice now but they'll stab you in the back if they get the chance. a father who adomantly vocalized that all homosexuals were promisquous. people that avoided making eye contact with the fat kids. Certainly there are always people that fit the stereotype, or else there wouldn't be a stereotype in the first place. But damnit, not every african-american has no respect for authority, not every blonde cheerleader is a ditzy snob, not every gay person sleeps around... It really broke my heart hearing about the violence and injustice commited against people, whatever background. It does, the suffering in the world really breaks my heart. And I don't care if people don't think homosexuality is right, but dammit they don't have to abuse and dehumanize people that they'd like to think are so different from them. People can be assholes, whatever race, social status, sexual orientation, location, or time. Luckily people can be selfless, concerned, and beautiful human beings in whatever race, social status, sexual orientation and the like. Stuff like that makes me understand why God would spare an entire city if only for 10 people...Sometimes I think that's all that's there too. I know I'm not perfect in any way shape or form. I'm a hypocrit just like all the other human beings on earth...but I think at least I try and have a little understanding and walk in others shoes alot. Friggin Jesus hung out with the prostitutes and tax collectors. And as a follower of God I should try and have that same sort of understanding. people are people, individuals. I can't say everyone is evil, because I know individuals who aren't. And I can't say every gay basher should be lined up and shot, because there's always one that is only needs to meet and talk to an individual member of the group s/he's bashing and find out "if I only knew they were human too"
So current I hate humanity but I love it at the same time. I love you my friends! You teach me so much! *squeals and hugs all the beautiful people in my life*
:: Begin Transmission: ::
Though a reading in my women's studies course really pissed me off. I usually take everything in socialogy with a grain of salt, but damn it, it still holds alot of truth. Basically it's about stigmatized people groups. Weither that be women, overweight people, homo or bisexuals, poor people, or anyone of a particular minority race. Basically objectification of anyone not the majority. It states that there are five basic stereotypes.
As I said. I usually take sociology with a grain of salt...but unfortunetly I've seen too much truth in this. *sighs* I'd rant more about this but I have class in a few minutes. maybe I'll rant later
:: Begin Transmission: annoying quizzes. run away while you still can. ::
four CDs from your collection that you will never get tired of:
four places you just have to go:
four things you'd like to learn:
four beverages you drink frequently:
four tv shows that were on when you were a kid:
four tv shows you watch now (none American so I'm doing anime):
four places to go in your area:
four things that never fail to cheer you up:
four dream guys/girls:
About 10 years ago
getting a little more personal...
When was the last time you ...
Do You... See, wasn't that fun? I really wonder how many people actually read all of this. Two more quizzes before I say oyasumi for school tomorrow 
You've been overdosed
so many times with chocolate and pocky, that hyperactiveness has become
second nature to you. You usually act without thinking, and you trust
people too easily, but everything always has a way of working out for
you in the end. You also adore blonde nicotine-enhanced writers who
think you've got zero talent - but who doesn't  A child at heart, you aren't really a real child. Therefore, you must be Sakuma Ryuuichi from the series Gravitation. You have your mature moments and your moments of insight, however all the other times, you act like you are five years old. You have probably hung onto all your toys and stuffed animals from childhood and still watch cartoons. Spontaneous, no one knows what to expect from you. This is because you believe life is too short to take it seriously! What anime kid are you? :: Transmission Interuptted at: Sunday, September 8, 2002 : 11:11 p.m. :: Reconnection in process... .....................Failed.
:: Begin Transmission: how do I wear a gown casually? :: Tomo, Liz, and I went to the mall and I did a little job searching...unfortunetly all the places I checked were done hiring till October for the Christmas Rush months. =/ I guess it's port sky cafe afterall. One thing...I've been meaning to sew my own visual kei-ish type gown. I've been adoring the look since I first saw the Bara no Seidou video and the look and I was going to sew one myself. Or course it would have taken a long time and probably a not so small monetary investment, but I still really really wanted a gown. Buuuut Hot Topic has a few of those, expecially for proms and the like...they're still really expensive 0 some, so I never really indulged in my fantasy u_u Just saw them on the side wall and went 'sigh'. But this weekend one of the style of gowns for some reason or another ended up on the clearance rack. O_O for a victorian style gown! Hense I squealled, tried it on and found out it not only fit perfectly, but the burgandy had a funny way of matching my hair and it just looked really good on me. My only alteration is maybe gettting an extra peticoat to poof out the base more. So I'm a very happy puppy with my visual kei gown. ^___^ But this really means is I want to get that job really soon and not just splurge with money I don't exactly 'have'. *_* but damn...for splurging I managed to do a good job at saving money. *squeals and twirls around with new dress* I don't think I've ever actually wanted to go somewhere just so I could show off my new outfit before o_O;; I feel sort of shallow. But Liz was right that as long as I don't do it often then it's ok >_>; Um...doing laundry today with tomo. Gonna get school work done. Hang out with brian possibly. yup ^_^ Oh also one of the people that checks Nigaki's blog had a Spark personality test up so I decided to take it as well and I'm not too surprized about my results. (Submissive Extrovert Abstract Thinker ) Like just 6% of the population you are a MENTOR (SEAT). Some would call you the most powerful and influential of all people. Those people are wrong. The reality is that you DON'T really WANT to impose personal views or beliefs on others. Yet you are extroverted and intelligent, and you like to get involved. So you help others with the pursuit of knowledge. You're the reason that people say "teachers are also students." You are as much a learner as a master, and this satisfies you. You won't die a lonely death, but towards the end you'll grow introspective, wondering if your life meant anything. This will last for decades, and you'll die after your spouse.
oh well. *wavies* off to do laundry
:: Begin Transmission: My Selfish Story :: I think today I'm going to rant on my computer graphics art project. Sooo. Basically I found out my computer graphics class revolves around photoshop. I happen to have skills in photoshop. The teacher notices and decides to offer me a different project using something I haven't worked with before, which happens to be Flash. And basically lets me run with it....the thing is I got rather ambitious, and now I'm going to try and integrate my developing song writing skills with my developing flash skills with my overall weirdness....I think the product with be symbolic, creative, terrible quality, really weird, and slightly disturbing. I'm so excited XD
I already have some song lyrics for it, and the pictures to go with it. I'm working on the tune probably sometime today. It's called My Selfish Story, Why I just look to the sky How is not up for me to see alone
Do you think some flowers don't need the light?
I'll believe in you when time stands still
Do angels need a place to run?
Do you think some flowers don't need rain?
For I am the vampire that tries to make things grow :: Transmission Interuptted at: Friday, September 6, 2002 : 10:43 a.m. :: Reconnection in process... .....................Failed.
:: Begin Transmission: :: The sun was way too bright today. I hate those sorts of days. >_< *shakes fist to the sky* damn you sun! you're not suppose to come out when I want to go outside *shakes fist to the earth* damn you society for not being noctornal! No no. actually I'm fine ^_^ Let's see...anything interesting to say....um... retouched up on my hair cause it was starting to fade...wore all black today and felt rather goth...heather moved out cause she got a place in the dorms...read alot of fanfiction...went to class...um.... oooh here's something increadably cute. ^_^ Through Cursed Moons I found a really well done cosplay site. No no, not just the costumes, they have the settings and (I wish I could read kanji) a story to go with. ^_^ so cute.
I didn't check it all out but my favorite was the Tsuzuki and Hisoka one. The hisoka cosplayer is really adorable. I wuv Hisoka ^ ^ even though it's all a play ;_;
:: Begin Transmission: hitori na no :: life is boring...I need a job...I'm complaining. I don't like complaining because then I feel like I'm not appreciating all the good things in my life >_< I miss talking to nigaki. I hope she's having fun in New York. I miss all my friends back home. I miss my family and my dog. I miss feeling a part of something. *sigh* Don't really know what else to say. Maybe this foul mood is because whenever something big happens it always takes me a while for it to really hit. deaths, moving, weird changes in relationships, anything really big where everyone else is freaking out and I stay calm and rational. I think I'm finally hitting all of the college stuff right now. >_< I'm saying Hitorijyanai as much as Shinji's mantra. Not a good thing.
It'll pass though. it always does. ^_^ Life'll go on.
:: Begin Transmission: Labor Day :: I think my life is hitting a pointless point when I read MacHall completely in one sitting. I wonder if I should be waiting for a punch line or not...
Genki jyanai....
:: Begin Transmission: everyone hum to Teenage Dirtbag =D :: Going to the mall today with tomo...hopefully I'll get a job ^_^ It'd be killer if I got one at Hot Topic...I might get brownie points with the hair. Then half way in I'll sick them with some J Rock XD *cackles at her evil plans* ooooh! first quiz on the new layout. and I'm sooo not surprized XD Told you dee!  I'm a Dandelion! O happy day! Can you smell me? You say my pits stink? Great! You say I'm ugly? Great! You say you have a gun? Great! You gonna kill me? Great! I'm just so god damn happy! Everything is wonderful! What bloom are you? by Polly_Snodgrass :: Transmission Interuptted at: Sunday, September 1, 2002 : 02:20 p.m. :: Reconnection in process... .....................Failed.
:: Begin Transmission: wallpaper is good for da soul! ::
The first one I relied on V-brush's brushes too much...but it still looks good in my opinion. ^_^ it's my current desktop too.
Hope ya'll enjoy em.
:: Begin Transmission: layout garbage ::
Well now obviously that the layout's up, the cable is set up too. now all that needs to get set up officially is the electricity. It works but it's one of those "set up an account or we'll pull the plug" but they've been too busy for anyone to set up an account since I got here. Hopefully because they're too busy to set anyone up, they're just as busy to pull someone off. So we'll just keep calling and hopefully they'll be available soon @_@;
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