I'm losing my voice!! NOOO! Gaahhh! *whines...or at least makes some sort of sound*

The layout'll be up tomorrow...after I finish my resume (I'm giving it to this guy my dad works with...hopefully he'll set me up with an internship this summer) and call Rita-sempai.

And Fox News is annoying....I don't care about Martha Stewart, either of the Jacksons, and I especially don't care about why Bush isn't actually the complete and utter dolt that he is.

There needs to be a punk group called Gall Bladder Terrorists.

Yeah yeah. I'm a bleeding heart liberal....and I'm losing my voice. gah! No~

I finished the new layout...but I don't want to put it up. I like Seishirou and Subaru. *pouts*

I've been reading HP5 over again and came up with a small idea. What if there was a series of prequel type books. The Adventures of the Mauraders. The rise of Voldemort and what not. Of course it'd follow James...but wouldn't that be cool? The only problem with prequels like that is they have to end badly...Darth Vader has to be created and James and Lily Potter have to die.

Ah well...still a good idea I think.

I'm baaaaaack~

I'm probably going to be making a new layout too. Not that I don't like "I only have an eye for you" but it's spring break and I have nothing better to do.

Went out for sushi and a lazer show last night. I wish Nigaki could have been there. Sushi was alot of fun. Dan kept making all sorts of references to violence and death, and Ben said "I'll Butter Your Biscuit!" again. And then in responced to my Pucca wallet, I explained it's sort of like having a Homestar shaped wallet, cept Korean. And he said "Who would want Homestar's head in my pants? I know I would....ACK! Not like that!!" I couldn't stop laughing.

Oh, and tomorrow will be exactly one year since I heard my first Mindless Self Indugence song and had my first Krispy Kreme....I think that's reason to celebrate XD

Guess who's pulling an all-nighter! ME!

In other news: Today is my little sister's birthday. so HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDSAY! I LOVE YOU!

And in other other news. There's this lady on the EPP mailing list who's giving me a free Sombra swim top shirt thing cause it doesn't fit her son anymore. No complaints. Sombra stuff friggin rocks cept is really really expensive. Or at least for my college student budget. Personally my plan for the year is my trench coat (which I'll get back from Heidi hopefully) gloves, my big hat, and a scarf. I think I'll be pretty well taken care of in that and I can take it off and put it on easily enough in classes.

I'm determined not to get depressed this year! Determined! No angsty ickiness cause angsty ickiness friggin bites and there are just not enough desserts in the world to curb MY angst. Bad Bad Bad.

Oh well. back to work!

JUST KILL ME NOW! My period has to come NOW of ALL TIMES! GAHHH!!!

at least now I know why I was feeling sick. GAH!!!! KILL ME NOW!

*goes off to swear some and study more*

I hope this week goes well. 4 exams. 1 paper.

At least the ending will be nice. A whole week off....that probably isn't completely "off" because I get to go job searching and have a paper due when I get back, but none the less.

I talked to my mother a bit yesterday in the middle of a study session break. She commented on how it would be bad having a cold going into midterms....I'm starting to get the sniffles.

I'm also starting to wonder if I had caught Mono after all. Stress-->Sniffles-->Knock me out-->Rest-->Better!! Ahh well. Just gives me more reason to learn to take care of myself better and keep a positive attitude on things. I'm not allowing myself to get sick for this! *DETERMINED!*

And WTF! No Triplets of Belleville awards! *pout* I thought it was cute...Though Nemo was definitely well produced (so pretty~! all the water and anemememonies). But but but but but *pouts*

I don't want to be a worrywart...but I am. Blah. So much stuff on my mind. Plus I either have too much information in my head, or not enough. I can't figure out which.

Liz and I were joking during a CBS Sunday Morning program about how memory goes with age. Interviewer asked a guy "When did you first recognize your memory going" and Liz used that and said "Since College." I'm starting to wonder if that joke is sort of true. Well I suppose the best jokes have a hint of truth in them.

I'm still fucking sick of stupid people. The opposition to gay marriage movement is very upsetting. But then I suppose this isn't new news. It's like creationism vs darwinism all over again. *breathes in* not going to get pissed about it. Stay focused and relaxed. Good.

Oh, and Thanks Dan for a link to My Cat.

I wanted to type up something on the Triplets of Belleville which I saw just this past week, but Bush and the rest of the country's idiocy spurred something else.

And soooo Here's my ToB rant:
Weird. Cute. Foreign. 3 things that make me instantly addicted to almost anything.
If you haven't heard of the Triplets of Belleville (I didn't before I had seen it, but supposedly it's on alot of top 10 lists this year anyways), it's a Canadian animation. French. Set presumably in France and then later on in Industrial America. New York City renamed as Belleville.
The animation is highly stylized and exagerated. Giant noses. Stick Legs. One of my favorites are the body guards/hit men/basic men in black guys. HUGE boxy shoulders. Just think Clamp shoulders cept much much much much worse. Seriously. I still get a kick out of them just thinking about it. Clamp shoulders on LSD.
But yeah. abounding cuteness. And everything is told via action so don't worry about language barriers.

Of anyone to recomend seeing this film I think Princess Benjy would like it the most. So Ben, I hope you're reading this! Go Watch Triplets of Belleville and be happy! HAPPY! Just trust me and try and find a copy. You might be scared of the banana lady in the beginning though...but get through that and you'll like the rest. I'm positive about that.

Liz has been exposing me to a J-pop singer by the name of Kokia. So far nearly everything I've heard has been very good, especially for the heavily "produced" world of J-pop. She relies on using her voice in a rhymic almost Kozi like fashion, which is certainly a thumbs up for me.

The weather has been warmer and brighter and I'm determined to keep my spirits up. I want this to be the first year to break my spring depression. I still have a few months till the pain comes, but I know that I'm starting to head towards the end of my season. But the difference with this year is I'm catching myself, and I have support from my loved ones, plus just the knowledge of others out there just like me thanks to the EPP mailing list. I have countless blessings in my life and I'm not going to let this get to me. Also I don't think I'll be as...freakified where I'm at. The environment at my old campus left no room for variants. Here it won't be as unusual to be seen wearing scarf, trenchcoat, gloves, and umbrella on a cloudy day. Hell...I'd probably just be considered a variation goth. Which is perfectly fine for me. Some people might even think it's cool.

You know what? I'm fucking sick of some people. So far the only Christian church I have any respect for at the moment are the Catholics. They're the only one's who aren't completely and totally hypocritical. Anti-abortion, Anti-capital punishment, and Anti-war. At least they have an Anti-death theme going on. Plus they at least realize that homosexuals are people too! I'm just so pissed off at this whole ammendment bullshit. Complete deliberate and intentional discrimination into the constitution. What gets me is the complete deliberateness. Also, seperation of Church and State was created for a fucking reason! THIS! So that some high and mighty group preys on the minority for what, religious reasons? If I hear another fucking thing about "the Bible says this" I'm going to kick something. The Bible does not rule this country. If we're going to get all up in arms about an oppressive Islamic government I don't want to hear another word about "God didn't create it that way". If we're going to be secular we're going to be secular. If we're going to be religious, then FUCKING DON'T GIVE PEOPLE SHIT ABOUT THEIR ISLAMIC NATIONS!!!

Also! If they're going to be literal bastards they better well outlaw divorce too. Oh, and kill any adulterous woman, but just fine the men. Because obviously marriage is sacred which is why HALF OF ALL MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE!! But no, divorce isn't weird and gross and unhealthy. But two loving parents who are obviously willing to work hard at caring for their kids because they FUCKING HAVE TO FIGHT THE SYSTEM TO GET THEM, isn't healthy. Poor kids, growing up in a loving household when they'd be otherwise tossed from foster home to foster home. I don't want to hear shit about masculine and femanine roles in a childs life. This is the modern world. People grow up in different environments and in different cultures. I'm of the personal opinion that androgynous people are healthier anyways. Guys who can cry and Girls who can stand up for themselves. So I don't want to hear shit about feminine and masculine influences. Grrrr.

I'm going to write a pretty lengthy letter to my representatives sometimes soon (alot more logical than my current state, but hopefully displaying just as much outrage). THE FUCK! BLANTENT DISCRIMINATION! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO CIVIL RIGHTS!

I watched alot of civil rights sort of documentaries as a kid. It's something that I really hold alot of value to, basic human decency...and I hoped that others felt the same way....I'm starting to realize I'm a minority in those regards. DAMNIT!! PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE! ARRRGGG!!!!!! I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMEONE YOU TREAT THEM CIVILLY!!!! GODDAMNIT! DOESN'T ANYONE KNOW BASIC HUMAN DECENCY!!!! FUCKING GOD DAMN LEFT WING "CHRISTIANS" NOT FUCKING ACTING LIKE THE MOST PROGRESSIVE GUY OF THE TIME PERIOD ASSHOLES WHO CAN'T SEE BEYOND THEIR OWN FUCKING NOSE! GODDAMNIT NO WONDER I LEFT THE FUCKING CHURCH!!!

....I need some tea.

So I've seen Kill Bill a total of 3 times. Thank you free campus movies. Bwhaha.

Gogo still entertains me. Though the "you call that begging" scene irritates me a little though. Not the best of acting. But that's ok. I still like Gogo. She can still pull out my organs. =D

And I'm going to smack Matt a little bit more sometime for suggesting they make a Gogo doll that when you squeeze it, blood comes out of the eyes. Definitely smack.

I'm still trying to figure out myself. You know...I'm not sure if the rest of the world works this way, but I discovered the world around me before I moved onto learning about myself. Of course I'm still trying to figure out the world around me as well...but the emphasis has changed. It's sort of weird. I'm becoming more self-centered...hopefully in a good healthy sort of way. I want to be able to stand strong so I don't burden the people I care about.

Science is such a beautiful thing. The more I learn about the world, the more I find it beautiful. Both big and small. Single cells and giant nebula. All have a wonderous sense of order chaos. I wonder if that's rather Daoist of me. Massive societies and flocks of geese. Ecosystems and Star systems. It's all very very beautiful.

I get to work hard this week, because the following week I have exams and reports up to my armpits. I still have to get started on reading 2 books for reports. Luckily they're short books. I'm still so amused that The Monkey King is required reading for one of my classes. Rar. =D

Oh, and I'm on this random Furuba kick again after a year or so. The feeling behind it still just makes me go "hanyaaaaa~", not to mention Honda Touru is such an Ideal for me. If I could be half as strong and wise as her I'd be hell of a person. If CCS is Heaven, then Furuba would be Purgatory. Everyone is trying so hard to be better people and fighting their own personal demons. It makes me smile. Very inspirational. Not to mention good fun laughing at Mabudachi hijinks. =D Ayame still reminds me of Lindsay...cept without certain *cough* references. I love my little overdramatic yet somewhere underneath very intellegent sister.

There is literally star dust running in my veins.

In everyone's veins actually.

Sometimes I love Astronomy class. I learn the coolest stuff. All of the elements iron or heavier had to have been create and ejected via Supernovas. I'm made of the products of a Supernova. We're all made of it.

Wow, that makes me feel good. Damn good.

Sort of make me think about death and life cycles too. The Earth and most of the entire solar system couldn't have been formed without that death of a giant star so long ago. It's dust is running through my veins, in my food, under my feet.

Thank you Star-san.

Monday is going to be fun. We get to go over Blackholes! yessss~!

I wanna be an Astro major now *whines*. Too bad I wouldn't be able to use it for ANYTHING! Much less I'll be in school for the next 8 years or something like that.
I want to get out into the work force and not feel like I'm being a drain. I might go to grad school after that, but only after I have a job. I hate having my net income be negative rather than positive. Bah. Must graduate. Must get out into the work force.

The more I think about the JET program the more I still like it despite everything. Even though it's rural, that's ok and probably better. Not only will I master the language, but it'll be easier to make friends. Friendly Neighborhood Gaijin. Stronger community ties and what not. Also it's relatively temporary. I have a couple years to figure out if teaching is something I want to keep doing. If I do, I get a teaching degree and keep doing it. If I don't, I get some translation job for a business. Lots of options. Backup plans for backup plans.

Oh oh! And here's my Kill Bill rant and I'm going to rant over Gogo! Cause I like Gogo. She has to be straight out of a J-rock song. I wish there was more on Gogo. *grrs at Kill Bill's only two scenes of Gogo-ness* There should have been more. *pout pout* Definetly joining the fanlisting.

And I'm almost tempted to make a Hisoka fanlisting...cept that there was one previously, but got taken down or something like that. I'll have to do a little research. I don't think it'd be incredably difficult to make and maintain a fanlisting. *ponder ponder*

And this is what I get for typing up blog entries on my lunch break using notepad. Actually this is rather effective. I think I'll do it more often. I don't really do much for lunch other than eat and listen to music and stare at the passing flocks of students. Well sometimes I read the campus newspaper if I didn't finish it earlier that morning. Finish meaning I haven't read the first page and the comics ^ ^

I want to karaoke MSI. =D There should be karaoke for MSI. "Molly was a good girl!!" XD Nigaki can sing along too. "five year old panty shot!!" =D good fun. good good fun.

Ah well. time for class. I get to post this after I get home from it though. Don't trust the time! it's actually 12:20! bwhahaha. *screws with your mind....maybe not*

I just saw Kill Bill for the first time and I have one thing to say:

I like Gogo.

There has to be a fanlisting for her. I like Gogo.

So, I was living alone. And a member of Clamp had come for an art conference or something like that that I was invited to. And she brought her 5 kids along. It was raining and I had to get in the van but I kept forgetting my coat and missing everything and babysitting the kids instead but I finally got it. (I had to wear two coats. My thick winter one AND my swooshy trench coat). And then we all go to this indoor pool. It was a pool where you could bring in equipment into the pool light weight sets and basketball games. I didn't have any of that and I didn't even have a bathing suit so I just went in naked. Most people didn't pay any attention to my lack of clothing except a rowdy group of guys, who I just flicked off underneath the water where the kids wouldn't be exposed, and then paid no mind to. Then suddenly there was a bit of magic and all the water disappeared and only a handful of people were left. I felt a little freaked out so I wandered outside to see what I could find and I found one member of Clamp, and 2 of her kids. I figured we needed to gather up our stuff and get the hell out of there Asap cause it was dangerous so I started packing everything up. One of the kids had been breeding bunnies. very very very small bunnies. But I had to move the whole lot of them into two baskets because they were too much. Supposedly one of the babies was a rare type and would have been worth $150 when it grew up. So I was dividing up the bunnies, and then packing everything else, and discover the newborn bunny set was gone and just a little bloddy smear left. I noticed my cat Peaches was looking very satisfied with itself so I figured out what happened. I scolded him and then apologized profusely to Clamp's daughter. She forgave me and said to just pay $30 for the $150 bunny that got eaten, if I felt so bad about it. So I paid and then we were going to try and figure a way out...
...and then the people below me started playing music and my alarm went off.

This will all sound probably just this side of arrogant, but I should probably try and type this up and figure it out anyways:
I've noticed a trend. All the people I like I need to feel that they'd understand me. Just fundamental understanding and empathizing is so important.
It's probably why I have so few crushes in the first place.
But it's really the deciding factor. Along with that I need to feel like I'm not just some random person.

Maybe I've always considered myself special and if others can't see that, then they're not worth the romantic interest.

And now these guys think I'm special. One in particular is showing the most interest and very much out of the blue sort of interest too. Supposedly he doesn't usually get crushes either, but he got one on me.

And I don't really know what to do. I want to honestly give him a chance. But then I worry, what would we talk about? I hope we can talk.

Maybe it all just takes time.

Liz and I both discovered this weekend that her TV/DVD player has MPEG capabilities. So I watched some old J-rock videos.

I realized why I like Malice Mizer so much. The costumes are nice and all, it's different musically, and even though it can be just this side of cheesy, I still like it. And it's all because of the emotion. I figured it out. The emotion it has in it.

It's the same with Plastic Tree. The emotion in the music and lyrics is so beautiful.

So I decided if I ever become a singer (part time. I don't think I could make it a job...unless we did REALLY well) that I want to do something like that. Make whatever I sing full with emotion. That others can feel that as well.

I mean...not Emo perse. Just....something so full of emotion that it draws you. Well...maybe I can't get the draw part by will alone. But I'll certainly do my best to fill what I sing with emotion.

In other news, my cold is getting better. Which is good cause I have a test on Monday. Blah.

Oh, and I stole this from Princess Benjy.
the first 20 random songs that come up on my playlist:
1. Black Eyed Peas "Where is the Love"
2. No Doubt "Spiderwebs"
3. Aimee Mann "Driving Sideways"
4. Poe "Amazed"
5. Plastic Tree "Planetarium"
6. Miyavi "Coin Lockers Baby"
7. Mindless Self Indulgence "Diabolical"
8. Mindless Self Indulgence "Molly"
9. Ani DiFranco "Buildings and Bridges"
10. Marcy Playground "Sex and Candy"
11. Malice Mizer "Secret Track"
12. Miyavi "Shindemo Boogie Woogie"
13. Plastic Tree "Suisou"
14. Utada Hikaru "Kettobase"
15. Alizee "Moi Lolita"
16. Enya "Adiemus"
17. Malice Mizer "Syunikiss"
18. The CCS first opening "Catch You, Catch Me"
19. Utada Hikaru "Parody"
20. Radiohead "Karma Police"

Bwhahaha. New Layout.

I'm sick as a dog. Colds just creep up on me, smack me in the head with a baseball ball, and then I'm down for the count.....luckily I have a fast recovery time so all is well. but at the moment...*hack hack*

Everyone and their dog want to date me all of a sudden. Wow...what the hell. When did I suddenly become so attractive?? Then again, no real complaints here. Cept for maybe breaking hearts. Which isn't fun. But I still want to give people a chance too. I hope it's just V-day fever.

Still. I'm a big believer in "other halfs". So I'm looking for mine. So no harm.

Either way. *curls up and falls asleep* Dekita....